Saturday, August 18, 2012
Sway with me Move with me rhythmically Like the wind envelop me in you your heady musk, my natural lust for only you. Trace me on the ground. Spin my balance all around. Oxygen has no place between us.
Is this a dream? It feels like a dream. You know those rare times when you consciously know your dreaming. When you can even here the sounds of reality around you, but your dream just keeps on playing in the for front of your mind like it has no clue your minds eye is open, deliberately watching its every movement. This must be a dream. Otherwise I would feel more or less. I feel almost numb to this unknown land of familiar ache, and O it hurts so painstakingly good. Can you change a dream? You know the times when you fiddle with the idea of flying and for just a moment you soar. Could I have changed this dream to feel better? To fit the happier side of my perception of joy a bit more precise? If I had loved differently than maybe today wouldn't be inherently sad. All of these familiar faces telling me to run to unknown places to deal with their sense of what I am going through. Somehow they imagine they too can feel my very heart disintegrating inside of me.That they too are familiar with the ache known only by my unassuming heart. In truth I am as alone in this as they where in their pains of love, and there is only one human that could fill that looming void; sadly he doesn't believe I could fill his. Yes, I think I'll stay asleep a while longer and if I try hard enough maybe then I could fly.
Look at this madness that is your world. You thirst for order, but drink of the insanity that is the realm. sad is the man that wants for more but lives for so much less.
Remember the days of old? The days when we would dance to relevant tunes of our adolescent times. When the worries of the day were only what happened in the hours past the sunrise. When life was so incredibly pure that dancing, just swaying to your very own melody was the perfect cup of joe on the coolest of mornings. When we fully trusted our parents to take care of important things while we flitted between the lines adding our own sense of self to the equation. When picking peas from your meatloaf was your one and only aspiration for the moment. Somedays I wish I could go back to that time with you. The time when I knew nothing of time.
She watched as the blue moon toyed with his movements. He danced for her never taking one moment to relax. He danced the rhythmic tune of his own melody and she watched in awe as his masculinity move expertly to such a precise song as his own. and he watched her intent on a lasting impression. Wanting her so badly his very nature called her to him. He was warm to the thought, alluring and mesmerizing. Yet bitter and harsh to the first touch. Unwavering he moved never misstepping as he deliberately stalked her. Slow agonizingly slow he closed in like predator to the all knowing prey. Accepting her fate she moved closer to him then drew back slightly from his harsh roar. He was the only constant she knew. Always there. always magnificently alive. Never a promise unkept; with him nothing was absolute but his unpredictable appetite for more. Finally she moved in. Ignoring his cold grip. Escaping in the crashing masculinity of his voice. He surrounded her and left no privacy between them. His bold intimacy took her last breath. His hold on her was great and she knew nothing else but him. With no choice left in the matter and even less care, finally she gave way to the tide.
Stretch my body to bring forth life for you are the only extension of me that is real. Spread my hips and streak them in lines; the very smallest of sacrifice. Drink of me and live by my body. Rest upon me and listen my heart it beats for your very existence.
My window has changed blue pane, stained glass window veins My older eyes see more of you Though Id rather a distorted view. I can't look away, a horror this film watching you. I can't see the way I can dry these old eyes staring directly at you. Free me from my need to know you and I will smile in mockery. Make me believe I once knew you and my beclouded view was magnificently true.
My hands are tied. My mouth wide open. I scream as loudly as the mute and unspoken. Powerless to change the direction of your thoughts. Battling against a cause ultimately lost. You ask for an answer to a solved equation. The sum is not a riddle emitting humiliation. So change the direction your feet have take and trust our creator for your very own sake.
Today I walked away from you. I cut a corner and didn't look back. I heard your cries but they burn me and I couldn't take the incandescence. Have you not seen my torment? Did you not create this melancholy that covers me? When I raised you I was but adolescent and you brought me fourth so why was I the one holding your sobs. Your sorry cries that I still can not comprehend. I am man. The man you created and I did not ask for you. Did you ever rejoice for me? Do you yearn for my love like I unknowingly for yours? Do you seek my acceptance or has the wall that is my back become the only relationship you have with I. Hurt me so good. Create my imperfections and focus deeply upon them. for all I could ever need is your love. The abyss that is my heart I stuff with empty things to fill the hole that a mothers love should have. Take me back to the child hearing your sweet cries and close your eyes to the dysfunction that you have created in me. Cloak me in you mama. For I yearn for I what cannot accept. I love you more than I love me.
Do you see the shame on my eyes. Stained glass windows with years of compromise. Stare through me and judge all that I am. Because I wear excrement on the outside I am somehow less of a man. My everything on my back and my home at your feet. Dare you not ask me about the places I sleep. I am all that you are willing to see. Look into my face and find a human being. A beating heart and flowing blood stained hands a face wilted by the sun. These feet have tread through all terrain and my skin is the jacket that shields me from the rain. God bless me; instead of how are you? somehow they forget I was once human, like you.
This tree that grows inside of me is my very own. Rooted deep and buried far the seed of my beginning unknown. My leaves they wilter from years of hanging low and this tree that grows inside of me is my very own. Shower me with love and I willingly grow; vibrantly, cognizant, existing in my very own. My blossoms have been plucked and used for others gain. my lovely bark scraped and scathed in others names. I hide with myself far above my tree. For these roots are the only thing barely grounding me. Hack away at my body use it for your shelter, I am used to being used for your inconsolable swelter. Plant your weeds around me let them thrive from I. Your hurt has become the part of me that I cannot compromise. My body bent and aching, standing on its own, my Sap pure but leaving me for your very own. Use my bark and write your lies all over me. Implant me with your pesticides; Gods plan faulted by human sacrifice. I am a tree still standing, buried inside of me. I am a me still living, for how can a tree ever be truly free.
I listen this night. My angry hurt loves you and I can't quite let go of hope. Everything within me knows you, but your reckless sparatic exterior shuns those memories. Your nothing that I want yet all that I need. Feel me when I am gone and I know you see me. Eyes closed I reach for you. Laying next to another I know you reach for me. Let me go and I would leave but only so far this shackle will lead. Your losing all that I am. I'm almost to gone. My back turned I hear your thoughts, but you hide from me. You take me away to the most desolate land then leave me to my very own device. You disgust me with the deepest of love that I painstakingly try And bury; yet it grows and no body knows it But I. For all I have is me and though I have been wrong tonight, tonight I listen. Tonight I give way to the feelings I see. Red and dark angry death stare I glare at you in my memories. O the way I hurt for you. Only you.