A battle

There is this feeling in my gut and it wont go away. I try hard to suppress it, but this feelings here to stay. Its no ones fault but my own. I am the one who let it grow and  no body knows. I dont let it show. Its the price of beauty. Its the other side of fame it keeps me accepted, It drives me insane. It makes him love me, but he doesn't know it. it makes me hate me, but I cant show it. This sickness seeps through my veins like poison, a drug, a gambling game. It has me captivated. I am driven again. I can go no longer like it is not there. Just one last time is an empty promise I often make. Because I know deep inside, it will never go away. It is every second bite, or a glance in the mirror, it is every perfect body or craving and fears. It is me. I am the me who looks in the mirror. Disgusted and angry. Sad and ashamed. My feet lead to a thrown that always, always waits. Eyes watering, hands dont shake, stomach un-upset; she knows her fate. Quietly let it out and feel nothing but tears they are warm and without warning, soldiers rushing to the field. It is a duty while being done and every drop counts. My mind is not racing its frozen for now. Walk away feeling low with no suspicion on my face. I am tired and hungry maybe I can sleep it all away.
-Me